I Have a Dream no?

Funny...

Update...

I love to share. But I like sharing bullshit, like favorite colors and what irritates me, but not the really important things. Well a blog that I had done in 2009 was brought to my attention by my now ex, and as I read it I realized that I do have a gift for sharing. Not completely, but as a re-read post it was pretty relateable

Well, the update is that I couldn't get over the cheating. I thought the cheating wasn't so much a physical offense, but rather an emotional fault. The emails that I talked about were intimate, and full of 'love you's' and flirting...talks of our relationship and how bad it was.

Betrayed and increasingly angry, I acted out. Being unnecessarily bland, dodging the house whenever possible, reading between lines, over-analyzing...blah blah blah...I made my kids my whole life and put up a shell.

I moved out and now I have some divorce papers sitting (honestly getting dusty) waiting for some decision.

That was super hard to get off my chest, since it's been nearing a year since the move and still many people don't know.

Selah

Okay, so truth. I felt rushed into marriage. I wasn't really ready, but I still didn't put up a fuss, Oh, I was pregnant. I did love my husband, but I didn't see the traits of a great couple either. We had a baby coming and we both wanted a complete home fitted with mom and dad, dog, backyard, family gatherings...etc.

But we're in this now so let's give it a go... We made it four years and three months, and while we tried to fix what we could and try not let the hardest things to fix not bother us...it still wasn't enough. We were facing some financial problems and he said that one day he was going to leave and I was going to come home to nothing. So I packed up my and my daughters things and bounced. Tearful, hard like unimaginable, but I left nonetheless. I got a little place, couple of problems, but we're safe and together.

THIS is what I wanna say. Failure.

Failure is the worst possible fukkin feeling. A feeling so engulfing and damaging, more horrible than lost love, lost tangibles, rejection, all that and even death of a loved one. I failed as a wife. I should have been more honest, should have worked harder, been more organized, fukked way more often, Should have communicated, should have managed more of the money, should have talked about all of these things before we got married and should have prayed together.

I believe for that marriage, God was the missing element. We were both blessed and we both individually served, but we should have stood upright as a couple to face the word as a unit, not individually. We just could not get on the same worship and service wavelength (?). I went to church on my own mostly for a while, then stopped going altogether because I wasn't really meeting anyone in the church, I wasn't involved, I didn't feel a part, I wasn't being supported in attending, and figured no one would miss me if I never came back. All my fault. I would have made friends if I would have stopped to talk, got in a group, introduced myself, not tossed rocks on the folks as I sped away after service, hahahaha gone to the new member orientation for that matter, lol. You gotta be serious when you call on the name of the father, or it could be dangerous. 

Crazy thing is I was simply lonely and hurting from my marriage failing. Even my own father is a pastor and he and my grandmother are always glad to see me when I come, but I didn't go there because I was sulking like a child, and didn't want them to see me without my husband. I found reasons to hide and be alone, things to do privately so one one could witness the mess I had gotten into.

For me, the hardest things in life have to do deal with confidence, and somewhere I found it, and am coming back slowly. I'm not all fukked up, but I am struggling to see myself as a humble and independent, God fearing woman with full understanding of my capabilities. If you pray for me, pray for him too...we both have it hard. A family falling apart is no entertaining blogpost. 

My only advice, and you knows how I roll....I always have advice for those that care to listen....so gather round. Okay, if you wanna marriage to last you have to have these things in place to increase your odds of a strong and enjoyable marriage, no particular order other than GOD first.
1. Like minded spiritually. Share the same beliefs, worship the same, able to connect nearly at the same level spiritually.
2. Sexually attracted. You have to like the package you got. Its gonna get old and you're gonna have to keep it up and have fun on it and show it off to whomever, but you gotta feel that sizzle when you see em.
3. Someone who you can argue with fairly, but mostly agree with, someone who understands your wants and knows what buttons to not push, and WON'T push them, lol.
4. Someone who likes the same foods, music, extra-curricular activities, agrees with you politically or at least makes a good conversation.
5. Someone who has confidence in you.
6. Someone who can tell you hard and simple truths, a person not scared of your reaction.
7. Someone who you can rely on when things get tough. You lose your job, get sick, need some money, someone to talk you through tough stuff....u get my drift.
8. Someone who is nice to you. Likes you, wants to be around you, and is good for you.

There are infinite things that could make marriage last, but it still falls on the will of a couple. People stay together as long as they want to, some deal with the craziest shit from each other and still find their way home each day. Go figure. Make you wanna ask what is Love? Some people wanna be loved and adored so badly that they'll take whatever is dished out. Not me. I want what I want or I don't want anything at all.

Damn shame what happened, but as I come through I want to shed all of this anger and defeatist attitude. On the other side I wanna be ready for life and all of the twists and turns that she brings. This ride goes super fast, and you only get to go around once, might as well enjoy the ride.

This blog is mine. I write it, mostly all of my feelings, pretty much what it is. No frills, nothing too serious, usually mindless reading, but I want any reader to know that we are all people dealing with real situations.

...now put that on your wall...

Ha Ha hardy Ha Ha!

What an inspiration!

Men as Women

My quick thoughts...

1) Men always get women wrong. Men cannot do women no matter who or how hard they try. Women are by far more complex than any man who I have ever seen attempt to portray or imitate. They just don't have the softness, grace, or feminine attitude that women have. Our approach is just altogether different from men.

2) Whether you are gay or not - do u genuinely. People pull you apart slowly and will judge each layer of everything you do, examining and carefully uncovering weaknesses and faults. Handle your faults before you hand them over for observation. Me, personally I know that i see only slim glimpses into others minds, and that those glances don't hardly show who a person is before they filter out what is not politically correct. So I don't judge but observe - collectively there may be enough to say you know someone.Claiming that you're grown means you can differentiate right and wrong, navigate through life independently and providingly, and can self-discipline. So as long as you know your creator and live as HE commands, you should be good. It's important also to say

Lastly, it's the world that begs for that type of entertainment that provokes the devil. Sickos are everywhere. They are perverted, and involved in all types of disgusting behaviors, and all they want to do is see if you're down. Don't do it.

What I'm Listening to...

I've been deeply into music lately, and that's about what I have to offer. I did cruise the eastern carribean a montha go and I need to blog about that adventure. But please accept these wonderful tracks provided by the honorable Beres Hammond.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JK5A8iVRHbE&feature=player_embedded


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lIS2ar_bcMA&feature=player_embedded

Oh, unto the ones who think you can do these wrongs and get away,

Woe unto you, and watch out for ur day.

I wish it never had to be, the way I see, this world running,
Shouldn't have to be, 'Cause now everyone's cup is filled with hate and overflowing,

Father, a nuff things a gwan round ya, it's wickeder than before,
We really believe we coulda run things, but it nuh look so anymore, no.

Come down Father, come down..
Come down Father, come down..

What I'm listening to...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8VWg9Vu25-A

Vivid Visuals

Look at those roots....SMH. Okay Rhi let the red hair go, it's not shocking and unusual anymore. Get a new style, but first get a perm.

Estelle got her teeth fixed....good for you Estelle, now if you could just work up some sex appeal...

Oh my....How you've aged....tisk tisk Jazmine....

Who knew a baby dolphin was this cute....I kinda want one for a pet...put one in my backyard...

I hate Astroworld is gone.

Gov. Perry's Inauguration Bar-b-que

While Texas faces a 20 million dollar budget short fall, Governor Perry plans his third inauguration shin-dig on January 18 on the capital lawn. Tickets are $8. You can buy yours beginning Monday the 10th, and your ticket will include entrance plus a plate of bar-b-que.

That evening there will be a lavish celebration, invite-only and they must pay for tickets, ahem, in Austin's downtown Convention Center. The hall is decked out in massive chandeliers, jewel-toned roses, and two huge centerpieces of fruit and pastries. Performing will be Mary Wilson of the Supremes, Clay Walker, and Ted Nugent.

Perry has been criticized for his luxurious lifestyle. He lives in a $10,000-a-month mansion with a full staff while the traditional state residence undergoes renovation.

Bravo tv's Dr. Tiy-E Muhammad and his bag of lies...

You know I love Reality TV!

So I was watching the latest episode of Real Housewives of Atlanta and they are still talking about Sheree and Dr. Tiy-E...
Prior to the premier, I read one one of my three favorite blogs that he was dating Shereeand that there was some question to his PhD. I had no idea they would drag this out for four episodes.
Well, here it is: I do a little research today cuz I'm bored, and well looky looky!

Dr. Tiy-E Credentials

CREDENTIALS
EDUCATIONAL HISTORY
Ashwood University, Non-APA Accredited Program 1998-1999. Ph.D. (May, 1999) - Counseling Psychology
Southern Illinois University, APA Accredited Program 1994-1995. Ph.D. (Candidate Only)- Counseling Psychology
Eastern Illinois University, Charleston, IL 1992-1993. M.S. (May, 1993) - Counseling Psychology
Eastern Illinois University, Charleston, IL 1990-1992. B.A. Political Science

Okay so? Well I wanted to just see what type of university Ashwood University was.

Ashwood University - PhD program

So funny, but the degree costs $924. How incredibly funny.


So if he ever has to hold up his degree - he can. What a terrible world we live in where accredited businnesses are liscensed to offer services to aid in deceiving people. I'm from the right-now age group and yes I want what I want right now, but not now like that. Like what happens when someone asks you questions that you can't answer? And to have the audacity to claim 'Life Coach' as a profession, lol!

Single people can be so uber lame. the constant lies and or hiding is crazy. Just be whatever u r and I'm sure that will ward off fakers cause like attracts like right? Why create a new you? Is the real u so lame that you can't even let people meet a little bit of him? Just be real and claim who you are. Don't set up a website http://drtiye.com/ and name it DR. Tiy-E, I mean why doctor? does Mr. Tiy-E sound any less competant to give sensitive advice regarding relationships? Does a person have to attain a PhD before knowing a few tricks to keep a mate? I mean I have only life experience and I can tell you to walk the other way when a man hits you, cheats on you, lies to you, or disregards you.

I enjoy my share of mindless entertainment, yes, but with each object grabbing my attention I also take a grain of salt.

What I'm listening to......

Long Overdue..... Jennifer & Eric Williams OVER!

Last night I was horrified for Jennifer Williams, co-star of VH1's Basketball Wives, as her husband, Eric Williams, Former Celtics pro-baller, totally dissed her and their marriage on television.

VH1 TV Shows

Music Videos
Celebrity Photos
News & Gossip

Ouch!

I'm embarressed for her. I have a dozen or more comments on them, but primarily I want to bring attention to the fact that he never seemed to really like Jennifer. Couples communicate in all different manners...yes, but I saw no love, I saw no real affection or desire for one another, and I saw no support.

It's quite funny to see how a woman will totally accept poor treatment for the sake of being kept.

I wanna work. I want my own check and I wanna be useful...not a mere life sucking leech.

If I have learned anything from Jennifer and Eric Williams it would be that lame women annoy me.

Have some talent, be somebody, say something, do something, be useful, step your game up. There are women out there that will cook up some hellafide food, make good love to your man, stroke his ego, and make him fall all kinds of in-love...have him feeling like King Dingaling!

Wherever Eric was, he was in no hurry to get back to Jennifer. And what man would?

She is pretty, long real hair, beautiful skin, nice body, cute lady...definitely...but mousy in her ways. She doesn't cook, not at all the domestic type...just a princess. Jennifer Williams does not present herself as anything of value, just a good looking lady.

 

Even after her man has been spending season 1 and 2 'away', she never puts her foot down and demands that he come home....after all he doesn't play anymore, so where the uck is he? Out making babies for 1!

I don't care and obviously she doesn't either. I'm sure she is happier with his money and without him. I mean his mouth is 'predator' creepy....could u imagine all those teeth coming in for a kiss? And look at the big bump on his head...like his head is having a baby head, lol!...makes my skin crawl...gross! And HE had the nerve to be all dismissive with her, with her leggy good looks! But I guess some other beautiful woman is where his heart is....temporarily.

I am not the novice on relationships. I can't offer any assistance in what she should have done, said, or how she should reason with this. I don't think you can reason with this. I would just go away...far from the likes of bitterass Evelyn Lozada and her unattractive, fraudulent, and under-handed ways. That woman (Evelyn), while beautiful, is evil. She means no good and cares for nothing more than attention. Evelyn needs a real beat-down by Tammy Roman. I would love to see Tammy let off on Evelyn...great match.

...but go away Jennifer...find yourself, get that much needed therapy or whatever you need to emerge as a woman, fully confident and sufficient, taking no bullshit, sparing only those that deserve it. There is no room for talentless, useless, and weak black women. Get it together.