Oprah's Mother Vernita Lee and Her Bag of Secrets

Recently Oprah came forward to reveal that she had a half-sister named Patricia, given up for adoption by her mother Vernita Lee.
Oprah stated that Patricia had contacted Vernita several times in an attempt to reunite, but each offer was declined. Patricia was persistent and finally reached out to Oprah's camp. Oprah decided to meet with Patricia since Patricia was not trying to double deal or sell her story, but genuinely wanted to connect with a family she was related to.
Upon the reveal, Vernita, per reports, collapsed. Friends and family are fearful now of a stroke. Vernita isn't doing well.
While this story is probably more common than not, I don't think the process for the adopted seeking out birth mothers is good. I am a very present and realistic person, preferring to deal with the here and now, rather than the invariable what ifs. Asking myself what would have been if this or that...had I been skinny, or tall, white, male, rich, whatever...etc.
Being mature and realistic, women who give their children up for adoption may miss their children but most live with the secret until they die, never giving any detail about adoptions. That is very sad and unnecessary. We should be more forgiving in regards to women and pregnancy.
Adoptions are so quick and hush-hush, It's really sad how easily children are given up without regard for perhaps another family member taking in the child, or the father asked to have either him or his family members take in the child. Adoptive families care little for the situation of the birth mother and most don't want a relationship with her. These decisions are made on the child's behalf and once the child grows into an adult, it's sad again that the child seeks out the birth mother.

I can only imagine they want to see if they look alike, if they will connect, find out the story of their conception, clues to who the father may be, if there are siblings, if they know....just resurrecting all kinds of skeletons...which leads me to confusion.

I would only make one recommendation to birth mothers, to deal with the baby, assume responsibility, or anonymously give the baby up for adoption. Your name is not required to give a baby away. To leave your name and contact information is enticing to an adopted person. If you don't want to be found, then don't leave any clues.
I'm on the side of right. In terms of becoming pregnant by mistake, it can happen, does happen, and not all the time is the mother married, stable, competent, prepared, capable of being a good mother or provide a good life for a child. So yes, adoption is an option, but prevention is the key.

We as women have to be more transparent with our daughters in educating them these exact example situations. My grandmother would say 'what is done in the dark will come to light', or the other 'that what doesn't come out in the wash comes out in the rinse'.

Vernita Lee is a common typed woman, same situations as many so no judgements there. But rest assured that this isn't the only secret that woman has. She was saved by a system to relocate an unwanted baby to a family that wanted one. Great for the child, and great that she could swallow her pride to offer this child a possibly better life.

Patricia is owed something though, maybe the reuniting she has received, but perhaps she deserves a mother and father who is cautious, unfailing, loving and providing. I'm sorry for Patricia and for anyone who has been abandoned by their parents. This world is cold and mean, and parents are one of the essential elements in learning how to navigate though this. Adoptive parents are a saving grace, bless them.
So if Vernita Lee is palpitating somewhere, it's because she needs to confront her past, mend, rectify, or apologize for shit.
I encourage her though. I encourage her to erect herself, assess her life, reach back and fix whatever it is that she needs to to feel that she is accountable for her actions. I wouldn't worry about feeling like a loose woman, or how it makes you feel like a bad mother. We have all fallen, no one is righteous enough to judge except for the good father.
I encourage you as well, not simply to be accountable and assume responsibility, but to forgive and allow wrongs to be righted by sincere apology.