...got to say something

Time for a rant.......

Okay, so I'm 30 years old and I have two kids; Alan 14 years old, and Kyrie 3 years old. They are my entire. To some that might seem sad but I like it that way. Alan is so talented and sweet, he's got a special something about him that is just right. The other day we were decorating his room LSU and he helped me the whole time making small talk, but at other times he likes to be all by himself. I like that...people that love other people but enjoy and need personal time.

My little one, Kyrie, is the product of adult adoration and high expectation. She likes to cuddle on her own terms and be a baby only when she wants. I let her run things a little bit cause it's good to give young queens some say, don't you think? We went shoe shopping on Saturday because I hate all of her shoes and it's spring, and time to get colorful! So, we get in the store and I go to the ballet flats, she runs straight to the glittery Ed-Hardy-ish bright and bangin' tennis shoes, and NO encouragement would make her agree on the ballet flats. I gave in, and so what? She has to feel good, not just look good. So you GO baby girl!

As far as me......yeah I know you wanna know............Well, me, I'm feeling like I'm getting up from a long mental and emotional nap, rather a coma. So many things were suppressed until recently. I feel like a child again - curious, focused, emotional, keenly intuitive. It's great!

I'm letting this serious, fun, and mature woman take over me, all the way over. All of the things tht I've wished to persue.....it's on. I had fear of something, something dark and unnatural. I've had to face it.....the whole black engulfing terrifying thing...... and it was only scary on the surface, though below there was a beautiful thing, wholly worthy of adoration. What a wonderful validating moment for me! So wonderful I cry, I have to thank God for this. This type of feeling is all blessing.

People care only for the drama, ooh and ahh, I hate those people. So nosey and crippled by jealousy and hatred. I smell their proper and dignified asses a mile away. Live how you wish is what I feel. I hate those that wear their regrets and past mistakes like a parka jacket. Get past it, move on, try it again, don't hide and give up, be resourceful and break down the shape that others have forced you into. Be your own goddamn person. Stand alone.

Sorry bout that. Those nosey people almost ruined my good feeling. I don't know how I'm going to celebrate, but I want to make it sssssssssss-special.